By Alycia Morales @AlyciaMorales

Many of us have a way with words. After all, we’re writers and speakers, are we not? But do we pay attention to everything we say or write every time we open our mouth, stand in front of a microphone, pick up a pen, or sit at our keyboards? Or do we occasionally just speak what’s on our minds without considering what we’re saying, how we’re saying it, and how the person on the receiving end is going to process it?

I can recall countless times throughout my life—especially after getting married and having kids—that I have not thought my words through before expelling them into the air. Or that I’ve been on the receiving end of someone else’s hurtful words.

Remember the saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”? My mom used to tell me that all the time when kids at school taunted or teased me. Or, she’d say the more the boys picked on me, the more they liked me. I beg to differ.

Physical wounds heal. You break a bone, it gets set in place and casted, and your bone grows back together. Verbal wounds cut far deeper. Especially when they come from someone you should be able to trust and feel secure around. Someone who proclaims they love you. Father. Husband. Mother. Wife. Child. Friend. These wounds take far longer to heal, if they even do. And they have the ability to destroy a person from the inside out.

James 3:8-10 says, “But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so.” Proverbs 18:21a says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue.” We serve a creative God, who speaks things into existence. We are created in His image and likeness. Wouldn’t it be acceptable to conclude that our words have the power to create life or death in those we speak with? That we can bless someone or curse them just by opening our mouth or penning a sentence?

This post is about using your words wisely … especially in the more difficult seasons of life and in a world wrought with conflict.

Whether you are having a conversation, discussing an issue with your spouse, raising your children, speaking in front of a crowd, posting about politics or the world stage, or writing your book, it’s important that you use your words wisely. The following are some ways to do so:

Investigate. Be a person of understanding. Seek and get knowledge.

 “The heart of him who has understanding seeks knowledge, But the mouth of fools feeds on foolishness”(Proverbs 15:14, NKJV).

There are 52 individual verses in the book of Proverbs that discuss understanding. Throughout those 52 verses, a man of understanding is contrasted with a foolish man. Let’s not be foolish men and women who spout off at the lip without gaining understanding and wisdom first.

 Use reliable resources. Use more than one source. Check with the people who are actually involved or were at least present in the situation, rather than relying on someone who only knows what happened via hearsay.

Use discernment.

 If you have accepted Jesus as your Lord and Savior, then you have the Holy Spirit dwelling within you. You should be able to discern between the false prophets, the Antichrist, and the spirit of God.

“Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits, whether they are of God; because many false prophets have gone out into the world. By this you know the Spirit of God: Every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is of God, and every spirit that does not confess that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is not of God. And this is the spirit of the Antichrist, which you have heard was coming, and is now already in the world.

 You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. They are of the world. Therefore they speak as of the world, and the world hears them. We are of God. He who knows God hears us; he who is not of God does not hear us. By this we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of error” (1 John 4:1-6, NKJV).

Do not believe what everyone tells you. Test the spirits, whether they are of God. And don’t just take a person’s word that they confess Jesus as the Son of God and that they know He came in the flesh. False prophets know who Jesus is. Remember James 2:18-20. Even the demons believe … which leads me to my next point about using your words wisely.

Align your opinion on the facts with the Word of God.

 As Christians, our personal thoughts on life and everything that comes with it (which includes politics and hot button topics), should align with God’s Word. Before putting our statements out into the world, we should be taking our thoughts to the Lord to be sure there is nothing evil within our hearts that may slip out of our mouths.

Psalm 139:22-24 says, “Search me, O God, and know my heart; Try me, and know my anxieties; And see if there is any wicked way in me, And lead me in the way everlasting” (NKJV).

Remember that we are supposed to look different than the world around us. Matthew 12:34-35 clarifies this. “For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things” (NKJV). Our fruit should be good if we are true disciples of Christ. That means that everything we say or do should reflect Jesus, not the world.

If our opinion doesn’t line up with the Word of God, it may be time to allow God to change our hearts on that matter. HIS TRUTH must come first.

When taking a stand, remember who your enemy is and isn’t.

It’s so easy to get sucked into thinking we’re fighting against other people. The friend who God uses to convict you of your sin. The democrat or republican who disagrees with you. Your spouse who triggers you. Your child who disrespects you. The pastor who preaches a truth you don’t want to hear.

“Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places” (Ephesians 6:10-12, NKJV).

Our fight isn’t against those we love. It isn’t even against those who don’t know Jesus as their Lord and Savior. Our fight is against the devil and his minions. The one who puts vile thoughts in minds and drives people away from Jesus and God’s truth.

We must stand on God’s word. With the Holy Spirit.

“Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand … gird your[self] with truth, righteousness, the gospel of peace, faith, salvation, and the word of God … that utterance may be given to me, that I may open my mouth boldly to make known the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak” (See Ephesians 6:14-20).

We must pray and seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness.

I learned early in my marriage not to speak to my husband about something he did or said that irritated me until I took it to God first. Usually, by the time I laid myself bare before the Lord, I was over the offense, able to forgive my husband, and sometimes made aware of my own shortcomings that contributed to the offense. Or, I knew what I needed to say and had a God-given strategy of approach.

Proverbs 16:1-2 demonstrate this wisdom clearly. “The preparations of the heart belong to man, But the answer of the tongue is from the Lord. All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, But the Lord weighs the spirits.”

Before we respond to anyone in any situation, we should always go to God’s word and find His truth in the matter. Jesus’ dependence on His Father is a great example of this point’s effectiveness.

“For I have not spoken on My own authority; but the Father who sent Me gave Me a command, what I should say and what I should speak. And I know that His command is everlasting life. Therefore, whatever I speak, just as the Father has told Me, so I speak” (John 12:49-50). Note that God’s command is everlasting life. And remember that we hold the power of life and death in our tongues.

Sometimes it’s better to hold your tongue than to speak.

“Whoever guards his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from troubles” (Proverbs 21:23).

“Even a fool is counted wise when he holds his peace; When he shuts his lips, he is considered perceptive”(Proverbs 17:28).

“In the multitude of words sin is not lacking, But he who restrains his lips is wise” (Proverbs 10:19).

“He who has knowledge spares his words, And a man of understanding is of a calm spirit” (Proverbs 17:27).

Don’t bother with an argument you can’t win.

Foolish people will never understand wisdom.

Jesus tells us in Matthew 7:6, “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces.” In other words, don’t waste your time trying to provide something valuable or helpful to those who don’t appreciate what you’re providing. If they refuse to hear you, move on. Better yet, don’t take the bait to argue in the first place.

“Do not speak in the hearing of a fool, For he will despise the wisdom of your words” (Proverbs 23:9).

“But avoid foolish and ignorant disputes, knowing that they generate strife” (2 Timothy 2:23).

When you do need to confront a lie, do so with patience and humility.

“… pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart … And a servant of the Lord must not quarrel but be gentle to all, able to teach, patient, in humility correcting those who are in opposition, if God perhaps will grant them repentance, so that they may know the truth, and that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil, having been taken captive by him to do his will”(2 Timothy 2:22, 24-26).

Remember the goal is to lead others to the knowledge of the truth, that they may come to their senses and escape the snare of the devil. Repentance is the outcome we desire. It only comes through righteousness, faith, love, peace, gentleness, and patience. Teach and correct. Bring God’s word to the table.

Kindness is the key.

Years ago, I taught in our local Christian academy. One of the verses God highlighted to me in that season is Proverbs 16:21. “The wise in heart will be called prudent, And sweetness of the lips increases learning.” When you’re trying to teach someone a truth from God’s word, they will receive it better if you speak kindly.

Proverbs 31:26 says the same. “She opens her mouth with wisdom, And on her tongue is the law of kindness.”

“Pleasant words are like a honeycomb, Sweetness to the soul and health to the bones” (Proverbs 16:24).

Use God’s words, not your own.

God’s truth cannot be refuted. The person you’re speaking to can choose not to receive it as truth, but His word will always stand. And one day, everyone will be held accountable to it.

“Have I not written to you excellent things of counsels and knowledge, That I may make you know the certainty of the words of truth, That you may answer words of truth To those who send to you” (Proverbs 22:20-21)?

“Every word of God is pure; He is a shield to those who put their trust in Him. Do not add to His words, Lest He rebuke you, and you be found a liar” (Proverbs 30:5-6).

“For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. And there is no creature hidden from His sight, but all things are naked and open to the eyes of Him to whom we must give account” (Hebrews 4:12-13).

Speak in love.

Read the entire chapter of 1 Corinthians 13. It starts with, “Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I have become sounding brass or a clanging cymbal.” In other words, if you are not speaking from a place of love toward another person, they will not receive what you are offering them.

The rest of the chapter explains what love looks like. “Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth …” (verses 4-6). Note that love does not rejoice in iniquity but rejoices in the truth.

In today’s world of “acceptance,” “tolerance,” and “my truth,” true love is missing. Love rejoices in God’s truth. And as much as He is a good, kind, loving Father, He is also righteous, holy, and just. As much as Jesus came to save the world, not condemn it, He will not tolerate or accept sin as being good.

We can love a sinner. We can kindly speak God’s truth to our friends and family members and strangers in the grocery line while upholding righteousness and purity of heart. Then it’s up to God and the recipient of our words whether or not that person accepts the truth.

I know I have a long way to go in how wisely I use my words. I’m still working on many of these points I’ve made. How about you? Is there one or are there maybe two or three that God is working on within you? We’d love to hear from you in the comments below!

Alycia Morales is a freelance editor and writer. Her work has been featured in numerous magazines and several compilation books. Thanks to her mad editing skills, her clients have won multiple awards in several national contests. In addition, she’s the prior Conference Assistant for the Blue Ridge Mountains Christian Writers Conference. Alycia is currently working on a nonfiction project while characters are running around in her mind waiting to be released into children’s books and novels. Surviving the Year of Firsts: A Mom’s Guide to Grieving Child Loss will release on September 17, 2024.

When she isn’t busy writing, editing, and reading, Alycia enjoys spending time with her husband taking hikes in the Blue Ridge Mountains of the Carolinas or running off to the beach with friends. She loves coffee, sweet tea, crafting, and watching crime shows.

Alycia can be found at alyciawmorales.com. She hangs out on Facebook and Instagram.