By A.C. Williams by @acw_author

Writing is a solitary art form. There’s no getting around it. Nobody else is going to make you sit down at the computer and hammer out the day’s needed word count. And even if you attend conferences and critique groups and brainstorm with the best, most creative minds in the industry, the only person responsible for making the story work is you.

So, if the art of writing requires solitude, is it even necessary to cultivate friendships? The answer, of course, is yes. A thousand times yes.

Writing itself may be a solitary art form, but it is legitimately impossible to craft a compelling story without having a community. Here’s the tricky part, though: Just because you are surrounded by people doesn’t mean you have a community.

I love going to writing conferences and other creative events, but simply attending doesn’t mean I am engaging with the other people who are around me. Engaging with another person requires intentionality and effort.

I need to confess something. I had a specific strategy for making friends when I was a young teenager. I’d enter a room, find the nearest quiet corner, and stand there quietly until someone came to me and started a conversation.

No, it wasn’t hugely successful. And when I got older and realized that I would need to actually TALK to people in order to have the opportunity to be published, I may have had a panic attack.

Since then, I’ve come a long way. I can actually start my own conversations now (yes, be amazed!), and I can do more than fidget and stammer awkwardly when people I don’t know speak to me. And I promise you, if I can do it (a horrendously shy, utterly insecure homeschooled farm kid who grew up in a wheat field talking to goats and chickens), you can do it too.

So, how do you make friends? Is it a matter of just talking to everyone you meet? Is it telling every person you’re introduced to your entire life story? Is it gluing yourself to the side of every person who comes within a radius of six feet?

Yeah, I don’t recommend any of those strategies. None of those will get you a friend. Most of them will actually get you a restraining order.

Here are three tips you can use to help you make friends and build community when you don’t have much experience at either.

Be yourself

Seriously. It’s really that simple. Be who God made you to be. If you’re funny, be funny. If you’re not funny, don’t try to be funny. (Please, have mercy on everyone.) If you have a loud voice, use it. If you have a soft voice, speak softly. If you’re from a less-than-ideal background, don’t hide it. Be honest about where you came from. Be real about how God is working in your life. Be who you are, and the people who are attracted to that sort of person will be attracted to you.

Be aware

This is an important one especially if you haven’t had a lot of friends or haven’t operated within a community before. One of the greatest gifts you can give the people in your life is a measure of self-awareness.

Do you know that you have a loud voice? Or that you gesture wildly when you speak? If you know, don’t stand right next to someone when you’re talking. That sort of communication style can get old fast.

Part of being yourself is knowing yourself. Know the parts of your personality that are attractive, and be aware of the parts of your personality that can be irritating (come on, y’all, we all have them).

Be a servant

The most important element of making friendships is understanding why you want a friend. It’s perfectly fine to want a friend for selfish reasons; we all have selfish motivations at times. But the best part of having a friend is having someone to bless. It’s having someone in your life who you love to serve, to do kind things for without needing to be repaid.

If you have a friend, when was the last time you did something for them simply because you could? When was the last time you blessed them without any thought of repayment? It could be as simple as holding a door open for them or just noticing when they’re tired.

If you make your friendship all about you, I can promise you that friendship won’t last very long.

Writing your book is something you’ll do by yourself, but once you walk away from your word processor or your typewriter or your pen and paper, it really is nice to have a community of friends to celebrate with.

It takes effort. It takes sacrifice. It takes selflessness. But if you don’t know how to do life with other people, how can you ever expect yourself to know how to write about it?

Award-winning author A.C. Williams is a coffee-drinking, sushi-eating, story-telling nerd who loves cats, country living, and all things Japanese. She’d rather be barefoot, and if she isn’t, her socks won’t match. She has authored eight novels, three novellas, three devotional books, and more flash fiction than you can shake a stick at. A senior partner at Uncommon Universes Press, she is passionate about stories and the authors who write them. Learn more about her book coaching and follow her adventures online at www.amycwilliams.com.