Writers are often asked to volunteer, give of their time and talents, bend, stretch, and fed guilt-lines to convince them to edit, speak, teach, write, mentor for free, and the list goes on. This is probably you.
Please don’t misinterpret my thoughts here: a willingness to serve is a positive trait for all of us. Unfortunately, too many times we say “yes” because we feel it’s our Christian obligation to respond positively to all opportunities, but the art of saying “no” takes prayer, guts, planning, and determination.
The problem of always saying “yes” can affect us negatively.
The writer’s manuscripts are late or are written poorly. The repercussions of this practice are developing an unprofessional reputation and losing credibility along with future contracts.
The writer sacrifices nutritionally sound eating, exercising, and quality sleeping hours. As a result, the writer’s physical health suffers.
The writer’s mental health spirals downhill, which means a mix of negative feelings and a poor self-image. The writer can also become resentful of others.
How can we graciously decline a request without feeling stressed, guilty, or avoiding those who have solicited our help?
First determine if the request is a ministry opportunity. Writers, this means prayer. If your faith-filled response is to go forward, then go with God. But if you feel this isn’t a ministry project or one you’re supposed to participate in, the following will help you in responding.
- Thank you for thinking of me. I’m honored that you’d consider me for your event. My calendar is presently filled. Perhaps I can recommend another writer/speaker?
- Thank you for the opportunity to assist in your plans. I’m currently on deadline and will need to decline.
- Thank you for taking the time to contact me. Although I’m not currently taking on additional projects, feel free to contact me in the future.
How do you graciously say no?
DiAnn Mills is a bestselling author who believes her readers should expect an adventure. Her titles have appeared on the CBA and ECPA bestseller lists; won two Christy Awards; and been finalists for the RITA, Daphne Du Maurier, Inspirational Readers’ Choice, and Carol award contests. Firewall, the first book in her Houston: FBI series, was listed by Library Journal as one of the best Christian Fiction books of 2014.
DiAnn is a founding board member of the American Christian Fiction Writers, a member of Advanced Writers and Speakers Association, Suspense Sister, and International Thriller Writers. She is co-director of The Blue Ridge Mountain Christian Writers Conference and The Author Roadmap with social media specialist Edie Melson. She teaches writing workshops around the country.
DiAnn is very active online and would love to connect with readers on Facebook: www.facebook.com/diannmills, Twitter: https://twitter.com/diannmills or any of the social media platforms listed at www.diannmills.com.
The Conversation
DiAnn, I’ve been asked this question many times. “How do I say no?” I’ve used one or more of your outstanding examples or mixed them. I’ve thanked the person and asked about future speaking event dates to see if I could book into the next year. Have a great weekend, my friend.
It isn’t easy! The most common is, “Can’t you do it for free? Aren’t you Christian?” And some venues are all ministry. We simply have to be good stewards of our time and talents.
Learning to say no was the biggest hurdle for my writing career. But then someone told me my writing IS ministry, and I finally saw it for that. It’s my calling. That helped me put it in perspective and gave me the ability to say no. Interestingly, people stopped asking me to do so many other things. I think we get on that “Ask WRITER. She’ll do anything” list. Plus, the enemy wants to stop our ministry. Learning to say no is VITAL! Great post, DiAnn. Excellent reminder!
Thanks, Ane. A wise woman said to me that there are lots of wonderful ministry projects in this world, but that doesn’t mean we are called to do them all.
Great insights, DiAnn. Especially appreciate your examples of how to say no graciously. Thanks!
Thanks, Beth. It has taken a lot of mistakes before writing this.
Wonderful words of advice!
Just because we’re Christ-followers doesn’t mean we’re doormats. It’s all right to say no. Your examples of how to handle those situations are fantastic.
Even Yeshua Messiah took time to rest. When we overextend, we do damage our physical, mental and spiritual selves. God doesn’t want that to happen.
Thank you, DiAnn Mills, for everything you do for our Christian writing community!!
Saying no can take more prayer than saying yes.
You demonstrated great balance with reasons to say “yes” or “no”. Saying “no”, even with an excellent response such as those you shared, is still tough for me. However, I am putting it into practice. I have experienced all the negative circumstances you mentioned; it’s time to choose better options. Thank you for helping.