By James Hannibal @jamesrhannibal

Do you ever yell at your TV screen? I do—more often than a Christian who carries the hope and peace of Christ should. My wife, patting my arm, always tries to calm me down. “I know, honey. They got it wrong. They always get it wrong.” She doesn’t think I see the eye-roll that follows.

One of the errors that sets me off is the presumption that all soldiers blindly follow orders. Yes, when bullets start flying, quick action is paramount. But when time allows, the best commanders explain the reasons behind their orders. Such explanations build trust and build a subordinate’s understanding, making the unit more cohesive and effective.

Here in the writing world, we bombard you with rules. Don’t use passive voice. Don’t use adverbs. Never use an exclamation point in narrative. We bark orders at you, and I fear we sometimes fail to answer the question, Why?

Like soldiers with new orders, writers must understand the reasons behind the rules. Knowing what not to do is not enough. Writers must know what to do instead—and why. To that effect, this post is part one of a two-parter covering the reasons behind five common writing rules.

Rule 1: Avoid Passive Voice

By now, we should all recognize passive voice. Still, I encourage you to look it up and refresh your knowledge. Passive voice makes the sentence subject a recipient of action rather than allowing the subject to take action. Passive inserts a to be verb and usually requires a past participle.

“Nick drove his ’67 Mustang to the base.”

“The ’67 Mustang was driven by Nick to the base.”

The Why Not:

Clarity – A military radio operator directs the antenna to minimize static for clear communication. Avoiding passive voice does the same. The muddled, wordy nature of passive voice creates static for your reader. Write in active voice to get your message across. This applies to fiction and non-fiction alike.

Dynamic Storytelling – Too much passive voice kills the story by taking every subject out of the action. In the example above, Nick not only drives the Mustang, he drives the sentence. The second version takes him out of the syntactic driver’s seat and makes him a passenger. Keep your reader in the driver’s seat by keeping your sentence subjects active.

The Exceptions:

Unimportant or Hidden Subject – Use passive voice when the action/object pair is more important than the subject or the POV character doesn’t know the true subject.

“The ice had been thinned—shaven and smoothed the night before to make sure Betty would fall through.” 

You can force the first part into active voice with “Someone had thinned the ice,” but some words are often overused. Passive may be the better choice. 

Rhythm – Use passive voice to alter the story’s rhythm. After a burst of speed, passive voice slows a paragraph down to give the reader a mental breath.

“They couldn’t hide the truth—not anymore. Bill dodged the sergeant and kicked over the crate. He gasped. Empty. The body had been moved.”

Feel the change? Study sentence rhythm before you employ this exception, because it reaches far beyond alternating active and passive voice. But with proper application, the occasional passive sentence may enhance the music of your story.

The Misconception:

Was and is do not always indicate passive voice. 

“She was pretty” is an active phrase. The subject is in the proper place, and there’s no need for a past participle. But even though it’s not passive, you know in your heart that “She was pretty” is poor writing because it presents another problem. Whether active or passive, using was or is typifies telling rather than showing. All writers know that’s wrong.

But why?

Rule 2: Show, Don’t Tell

“Blair was a green-eyed, brown-haired girl who loved the sea.”

Efficient? Yes. Active? Yes, despite the use of was. Good writing? Nope.

“Blair reveled in the cool tide washing over her toes, the brush of the sand, the salt-scented air.”

Better, though bordering on purple prose. We’ll talk about that next time. At least this second version lets the character show me how much she loves the sea. I might work the hair and eye color in at some other point if and only if they matter to the story.

The Why Not:

Reading Reports vs Field Operations – Telling is like handing your readers a character dossier and a report of their daily activities. Dossiers and reports are sometimes juicy but ultimately cold and technical. Showing pulls the readers into the adventure with your characters. The reader would much rather live the mission with your protagonist than read the post-action report. Trust me. I spent as much time behind a desk as in the field, and one is far more exciting than the other.

The Exception:

Efficiency – I might take two or three scenes over the course of five chapters to bring out Blair’s love of the sea. But if Blair is an accountant who’s only contribution to the story is a decimal error committed while daydreaming about Maui, she doesn’t merit that kind of word-count. Make judicious use of telling to convey information while saving precious volumes of word-count for important characters and action.

Avoid passive voice. Show, don’t tell. 

I hope knowing the “why” behind these two rules strengthens your writing toolkit the way a good explanation of orders broadens a soldier’s ability to accomplish the mission. Next time, we’ll look at three more rules: Purple Prose, Adverbs, and Exclamation Points. Until then, may this January be a blessed beginning to your new year.

As a former stealth pilot, James R. Hannibal is no stranger to secrets and adventure. He has been shot at, locked up with surface to air missiles, and chased down a winding German road by an armed terrorist. He is a two-time Silver Falchion award-winner for his Section 13 mysteries for kids, a Thriller Award nominee for his Nick Baron covert ops series for adults, and a Selah Award finalist for his Christian CIA thriller, the Grypyhon Heist. James is a rare multi-sense synesthete. Want to know more? Visit JamesRHannibal.com.