Finding Identity as an Author

by Rachel Suffern @SuffernRachel

“You’re pretty open about your art but you treat writing like a weird relative locked up in the attic.” This was my husband’s take on my creative endeavors over the past few years, possibly inspired by all the Bronte I’ve forced on him. 

It all began when I wrote a story for my kids. I wanted them to experience the neighborhood I grew up in, where four generations of my family had lived—a world that was no more, thanks to the flood that followed Hurricane Floyd. I wanted them to understand the place that had formed so much of my identity. I didn’t intend it to become a novel.

As a result of trying my hand at illustrations, I ended up resurrecting my identity as an artist that I’d shed after high school and starting a blog. I sold pieces in a gallery and got commissions, but mostly kept quiet about the writing.

Wondering if the novel was a fluke, I decided to try again. This time I wrote a women’s fiction about a young girl leaving her working-class upbringing behind to enter the college-educated, white-collar world of law and politics. In both novels, I wanted to portray the dignity and struggles of the working class, something so much a part of my identity.

I joined a writing group, learned about craft, and re-wrote my women’s fiction novel over and over. As a homeschooling mother of three living on a budget, I wanted to be practical, deciding that I would attend a conference when I had a finished manuscript. While that once felt far away, I now find myself talking about it in present tense.

But to announce to the world that I am an author still feels dishonest. I’ve published nothing and I may never. It feels like God has opened doors and given me stories to tell, and yet, I still can’t shake the feeling that this author thing is for other people, not me. 

I can’t imagine I’m alone in feeling this way. The rational side of my brain says that all of us, published or not, must have been here at some point. I try to remind myself of how terrified I was when I first called myself an artist, and that people were incredibly generous in receiving me into that camp despite my fears of rejection.

As Christians, we believe that God calls us to do certain things. I never want to presume that I know the mind of God or His plans, but I want to trust that He will bring about whatever it is that He wants from the desires He has put into my heart. Whether He wants me to be a published author or simply to learn more about His creativity from those I’ve met on this journey, I hope and pray for contentment in the identity that is most important in any role in which I find myself: that of His child.

 

Rachel Suffern is an artist and writer who enjoys depicting the places she loves in a variety of mediums. She began her creative journey on the banks of the Tar River in Eastern North Carolina and, after moving around the country, has finally settled back in the Wolfpack State (or the Tar Heel State for some) with her husband, Dave and their three children.

The Conversation

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

8 Comments

    The Conversation

  1. Deena Adams says:

    Thanks for sharing your experience, Rachel. As an unpublished author, I relate totally. Just this week I told myself…again… I was crazy for pursuing this path. That I have no talent for writing and was wasting time and money and should just go back to my normal life. Of course, I won’t do that. I’ll keep plugging along until God says stop. Thanks for the encouraging post.

  2. Penny McGinnis says:

    Thank you for putting into words what I’ve felt for a while now. I am finally at a point where I talk about my writing and want to share what I’ve written. I was urged to start a newsletter, and I felt overwhelmed. I don’t have a published novel. I do blog and I’ve had some devotions published, but I had no idea what I wanted to tell people in a newsletter. I just published the 3rd edition of my newsletter, and I’ve found I enjoy sharing the writing journey. Keep at it, don’t quit and call yourself a writer-because you are.

  3. Daphne Woodall says:

    Rachel, I’m so glad you joined our ACFW Chapter. I’m glad we personally connected and how could we not given our backgrounds. As a former Art Student I connected to your art. We both came from the same neck of the woods. I’ve enjoyed our one on ones, well that was early Covid! And in adulthood we both moved to the same town! I’m still open to finding a home in your neighborhood.

    I’ve been impressed with your writing and look forward to reading the last chapters you sent. As the youngest in my family I feel like I have a younger sister finally. Perhaps much younger.😊

    Great article my friend! – Daphne

  4. Kelly Goshorn says:

    When I first started writing no one knew except my husband. It was hard to acknowledge I was a writer and told him not to tell anyone. That lasted about 9 months then he told my best friend and I was boiling mad. I felt like he unzipped my zippers so to speak but he was nudging me to take ownership of it and walk in the gift the Lord was giving me. I’m glad that you came to the conference. I definitely enjoyed spending time with you. Keep writing and illustrating and using the gifts He’s given you to glorify Him.

  5. Kelly Goshorn says:

    When I first started writing no one knew except my husband. It was hard to acknowledge I was a writer and told him not to tell anyone. That lasted about 9 months then he told my best friend and I was boiling mad. I felt like he unzipped my zippers so to speak but he was nudging me to take ownership of it and walk in the gift the Lord was giving me. I’m glad that you came to the conference. I definitely enjoyed spending time with you. Keep writing and illustrating and using the gifts He’s given you to glorify Him.

    • Rachel Suffern says:

      It’s so good to know I’m not alone in that. You are such an encouragement to so many of us and I’m thankful for your willingness to share your work and your love for God. I’m blessed by your ministry.

  6. Daphne Woodall says:

    Rachel you know I connected with you because of all our connections . Also born on the Tar River banks. Probably poorest. When I saw your website I loved we had the art connection. I loved meeting your family and your hospitality. Thankful ACFW brought us together. I won’t talk about the age difference. Ha! When you read your work at meeting I was impressed. It was great having you come to BRMCWC and you can be a writer, artist or anything you put your mind to. I’m glad to call you friend !

    • Rachel Suffern says:

      I’m so thankful for your friendship, Daphne. God knew exactly who I needed to help me feel at home in ACFW… not to mention to keep me from getting lost at Ridgecrest! Your sweet spirit and encouragement are so valuable to countless people.