by Lynn Blackburn @LynnHBlackburn

I recently returned from a vacation where for three days I didn’t do much of anything but read. It was glorious. I loved the books I brought with me. I inhaled them. I fell in love with the characters and the places and the ideas.

And then I found myself with a bit of a problem. Because while the books I read were great, I was forced to contend with one very harsh reality:

There’s no way I could have written them.

In true writer fashion, an impressive neurotic spiral began:

“These books were amazing.”

“She’s so talented.”

“Where does she get these ideas?”

“Her characters are so unique.”

“How? How? HOW DID SHE DO THIS?”

and then it kept going ….

“I can’t ever compete with this.”

“I’ve never had an original idea in my life.”

“What do I have to offer?”

“Why do I bother when she does it SO MUCH BETTER?”

“What’s the point of me even trying?”

(Please tell me I’m not the only one who does this!)

But, God, (don’t you love that phrase?) had, I believe, ordained that the day after I finished a run of fabulous fiction, I would also be coming to the conclusion of some fabulous nonfiction, and I would read the following:

Who are we to judge whether it’s effective for the kingdom of God? We’re talking about supernatural, eternal life change. Who are we to judge whether our token contribution is meaningful? (Get Out of Your Head ~ Jennie Allen)

Can anyone else say ouch with me?

We all have different temperaments and personalities. You may not struggle with this, but I happen to be the type of person that desperately wants to blend in, except for when I really want to be the.very.best.ever.

The crazy thing is that neither of these extremes are what God has called me to. He hasn’t called me to remain in obscurity. He also hasn’t called me to be #1.

What he has called me to do is faithfully write stories.

My words matter. Not because they are mine or because I’m special or gifted or unique. They matter because they are the words God has given me to help share the Gospel. And it’s not my job to determine their relative importance in the Kingdom.

Will millions of people read them? Probably not.

But what if what I’m writing today is the only thing a starving soul will be willing to read three years from now? How can I not obey the calling on my life and trust God with the results?

Does it matter, in the grand scheme of things, if I win awards or sign another contract or have a book turned into a movie? It only matters if that’s what He wants to spread His Glory and His Fame.

I don’t need my glory and fame spread.

I need to do my best every time, but I don’t need to be the best ever.

If I can wrap my head around that, then I can enjoy and savor the beautiful offerings from my fellow authors without jealousy or envy or fear taking hold.

So, I’m working on my next story and praying God will use it as He sees fit.

I’m thanking God for the gifts He has lavished on my friends and for the joy their stories bring to me and to others.

And I’m praying for grace and endurance to run my race, to tell my stories, to stay on the path God has set my feet on, and that I will mean every word when I pray, “Not to us, O LORD, not to us, but to your name give glory, for the sake of your steadfast love and your faithfulness!” ~ Psalm 115:1 (ESV)

Grace and peace.