by Cindy Sproles @CindyDevoted

I’ve been doing mentoring work, and one thing I see, even with some more seasoned writers, is the stiltedness in their work. There was a time when the more proper, stiff type of writing was acceptable. It’s still not a no-no, but as readers evolve, so should writers.

As years pass, our language varies. How we phrase things and speak in dialogue all change with time. Recently, I helped our church librarian sort through fiction books. With over 9000 books on our fiction shelves, we needed to pare down. We set a date and timeframe as our guideline to purge fiction reads, so we pulled anything before 2000. What was fun about the process was glancing back through older books and reading a few paragraphs. The writing was so much stiffer. Every line was stilted, and the story seemed boxed in than freely flowing from beginning to end. Our librarian began to notice how much harder it was to read smoothly through the paragraphs of a book written in the 1990s as opposed to a book written in 2020. It’s because, as those years pass, our approach to language changes.

What I have seen in writers lately is that stilted feel. Their lines are nailed into place rather than feeling more organic and fluid. Again, times have changed. Part of the problem is that writers do not take a breath and relax. They are so honed in on their work, trying to perfect it, that the reality of reading is lost. This variance must be present for our stories to feel realistic and “present.”

Instead of  writing a sentence like this:

She did not hear a word he said. Her emotion was held in check, and not one thing bothered Celeste as she waited.

Versus this:

Celeste didn’t hear a word. The emotion knotted tight in her chest like a loaded gun ready to fire. Jonathan wouldn’t bother her today. Not today.

There isn’t a problem with example one other than the fact that it is very stiff and stilted.

In example two, our author has taken a breath and loosened up just a little. She’s used contractions and given us a touch more emotion when she lets us see, “Not today.” Rather than feeling like we are being told how to feel, we get this character’s pent-up emotion just by relaxing in how we phrase things.

Reading is something we do to escape life and enjoy. We aren’t in the work world where demands push us to be more precise. Years ago, a good friend (now passed), Ron Benrey, taught that our job as writers was to invent a fictional bubble where readers could climb inside and float alongside the characters. Allow them to feel what your characters feel, smell what scents are in the air, and touch a pet’s soft fur. Let them feel. He went on to teach that our dialogue shouldn’t read AP style. “It should be real and in the moment.” Ron taught this: Relax. Stand up, take in a deep breath, and forget formality. Write reality.

I have to agree with Ron. Some of the books that impress me most are those that read organically and are fluid-like. Read books from authors like Cynthia Ruchti, Adriana Trigiani, Leif Enger, and Steven James. There are reasons these authors win multiple awards.

Even in the third person, their stories are not overfilled with SHE and HE, HER, or HIS. Instead, there is a depth to the description, a breath of freshness that allows that stilted voice to push away and the realness of the moment to shine through. Authors look around and find new ways to describe the emotion of SHE or HE rather than saying, “She moved across the room. Her hair floated in the breeze.“

It becomes, “Anna’s movements were graceful – the satin of her gown rolled like gentle ocean waves. Every movement of her hair caught on the soft summer breeze and wafted, if hair can waft, like the sweet scent of lavender.”

You’ve heard it said that a good writer is a good reader. The more you read the work of others, the more you experience styles. Take those styles and work them into your own way of wording phrases. Dig deeper from the normal and study the depths of emotion and movement you may be missing by writing stilted. Take in a breath – and relax so the words fall seamlessly onto the page and you’ll see a huge difference in your writing.

Cindy K. Sproles is an author, speaker, and conference teacher. Having served for a number of years as a managing editor for Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas and Ironstream Media, Cindy now works as a mentor, coach, and freelance editor. She is the co-founder of Writing Right Author Mentoring Services with Lori Marett and the director of the Asheville Christian Writers Conference. Cindy is also the co-founder of Christian Devotions Ministries and www.christiandevotions.us, as well as www.inspireafire.com. Her devotions are in newspapers and magazines nationwide, and her novels have become award-winning, best-selling works. She is a popular speaker at conferences and a natural encourager. Cindy is a mountain girl, born and raised in the Appalachian mountains, where she and her husband still reside. She has raised four sons and now resorts to raising chickens where the pecking order is easier to manage. You can visit Cindy at www.cindysproles.com or www.wramsforwriters.com.