By Deborah Clack @deborah_clack

The black dress. The uncomfortable heels. The freshened make-up. And the hope that this was the night Lance Vernon Clack would propose to me. Twelve years ago, almost to the day, I sat across a table from my boyfriend in a restaurant at the top of Reunion Tower.

Pulling out a small, black velvet box, Lance cleared his throat. He took a breath … 

This is it! Decades of pent up giddiness screamed in my head. This is the moment I’ve been waiting for my entire life! Here it comes!

My inside voice was louder than any out loud voice near me.

When I tamped down the glee-filled girl in my head, I realized that Lance finished talking.

He blinked.

Oh, no. I missed it. I missed the proposal. I mean, I think it was a proposal. A lovely ring was sitting on the table, and a handsome man stared at me.

I felt blotches form on my neck and crawl up to meet my already heated face. My shoulders shook with giggles. “I’m so sorry honey. I have no idea what you just said to me. Will you repeat it one more time?”

Yes. I asked a man to re-propose to me. Please love me through it.

In books and movies, proposals are speeches. The man takes a knee and unleashes a discourse about the unparalleled qualities of the beautiful woman in front of him. This takes a while. The woman has time to process. Then. Then, the actual question of marriage is posed.

Only, I didn’t take into account the personality of my man. A lawyer. A man of few words, but when he says them, they pack a punch. “Deborah, would you agree to marry me?”

But I had to calm my inner monologue to hear it.

How often do I allow the voices in my head, my expectations, or my emotions to overtake my mind, so I don’t hear what God has to tell me?

As writers, we know this.

How many voices are in your head after attending a conference? Set up your office this way. Read these books to write the unforgettable story. Push your social media in this direction. Do this exercise to find more depth to your characters. This is nothing to say about the seventeen helpful blogposts awaiting. All good things. Each tool deliberately designed to build us up and push our abilities. What a gift!

But some of us take those solid pieces of advice and turn them into a daunting list. We “should” all over ourselves. I should be posting more blogs. I should have read at least one of the recommended books by now. I should have filled out the character sketches for my novel last week. Those are just three of the twelve items I have swirling in my head.

At some point, however, we need to quiet our inner monologues and ask God what He wants.

What do You want, Lord, out of the next half-hour of my life? Which Myers Briggs fits the heroine for the story You want to tell? In light of how You designed me, what is the best way to approach social media? What conference wisdom should I focus on first? Or (and this is a tough one), do You want me to wait on You before I move next?

We’re promised that when we approach God, He will be there. He will propose to us over and over again, no matter how many times we miss what He’s asking us to do. We just have to quiet our minds so we can hear Him.

What about you? Anything loud and swirling in your head? What do you do to hear God’s direction? From one person-with-voices-in-her-head to another, I’d love to hear from you.

Deborah Clack is a former high school AP history teacher. Now she creates stories of her own and asks her heroines, as well as her readers, to dig deep and laugh often. Her work received First Place Contemporary Romance in the 2017 BRMCWC Foundations Contest. She lives in The Lone Star State with her family. And, yes, she really did marry (the very patient) Lance Vernon Clack. Connect with her on her blog at deborahclack.com.