By Todd Allen, @ToddAllenAuthor

Writing to me is like learning to hit a golf ball. I’m constantly trying to follow rules from professionals. Their lessons storm through my head like wild bison when I line up for a tee shot, and I usually launch that little white ball into the neighbors’ backyard. Only when I try to feel the shot instead of making one do I manage to keep the ball in play. It’s the same when I’m writing. Only when I dive into the characters’ emotions do I create stories that resonate.

With that in mind, I created a new rule which I find difficult to follow—so difficult that I allow myself to forget about it while writing and only enforce the rule during editing. Thankfully the fix is easy. But first, the problem.

As writers, we try to infuse as much emotion as possible into our stories, hoping the reader will identify with the feelings of each character and develop a strong connection to their struggle. I do the same, but recently I’ve caught myself depending too much on naming the emotions my characters were feeling instead of showing them, and the result was lazy writing which kept the reader disconnected from my story.

During those rocky first drafts, I didn’t just name the emotion. Somewhere deep inside I knew simply writing “Jane was angry,” wouldn’t move anyone. So I juiced it up by personifying the emotion and giving it an action. Now Jane’s sadness didn’t just exist, it became a minor character with a few seconds of stage time.

Draft One: “Anger struck at Jane’s insides.”

I thought I was being sly. I told myself readers would appreciate the technique and enjoy experiencing character emotions in a state of action as opposed to simply being. But I was lying to myself. Personifying emotions and giving them actions is one of the easiest techniques in writing. And frankly, it’s lazy. I was naming the emotions I wanted my characters to feel instead of digging deeper and showing their effect. I’d merely found a crutch, an easy and trendy—and possibly annoying—way of telling the reader how a character feels. And while telling isn’t always the faux pas writing instructors warn against (that’s a topic for another day), showing an emotion’s effect on a character through internal thought, description, or dialogue is a much more effective method of conveying emotion on the page.

Draft Two: “Jane stomped past the refrigerator and crossed her arms. ‘I’m not cooking tonight. You can feed yourself.’”

Jane is still angry. But now she performs the actions instead of a named emotion. Which version conveys the emotion of the scene better? Ultimately your readers will decide. But for now, it’s up to you.

What are other ways writers convey emotions in a scene? Please leave a comment and share.

Todd Allen writes short stories and thrillers infused with an element of the supernatural. His work has been published in literary and suspense magazines including Chiron Review, Thought Magazine, and Futures Mystery Anthology Magazine. He also offers free samples of his stories and manuscripts on his website, toddallenauthor.com. He lives near Houston, Texas with his wife and three sons.

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