By Leilani Squires

I had all but lost my confidence. Due to former unhealthy work environments, I had internalized unrealistic expectations and belittling which developed into a perfect storm of self-doubt and fear. 

But because we had bills to pay and children to raise, I tried to fake it until I made it. I was determined to do my best with every project—to serve the writer and reader while somehow keeping myself motivated in the cycle of get a project, finish the project; repeat. But with every invoice I submitted, I got a stomachache, questioning if I was good enough or worthy of being paid. I rarely talked about my work. As time went on, I became more and more insecure. 

One morning, my phone rang. It had not been a good month, week, or morning. The call was with a potential client wanting to discuss her book project. I stood in my kitchen, phone in hand, hair not done, make-up only half done, trying to help soothe my daughter who was experiencing big emotions because her puzzle piece didn’t fit, and coaching my son through mopping up spilled milk. I was feeling extremely overwhelmed, exhausted, and not ready to take on another project that would poke at my insecurities. 

So, I answered the phone, ready with my answer to pass on the project and recommend another editor to the author. I had all my reasons (a.k.a. excuses) prepared. 

We chatted. I admired how nice and spunky she was. She asked about my background, and I gave her a couple career highlights. I also explained that she should contact another editor. 

She replied, “From what I hear, you can totally do this. What’s holding you back?” 

I didn’t really have an answer for her—at least, not one she didn’t see through as the insecure excuse it was.

“I’d really like to work with you,” she said. 

So, I gave my hourly rate, wincing and dreading her reply. 

“That works for me!” she said.

I about dropped the phone in that spilled milk. Where was the usual debate about my rates? 

As I edited her chapters, it was like she was mentoring me. She answered the questions I was asking, confronted my fears graciously and audaciously, and provided practical steps. 

Because I was dealing with these issues, I could also help her craft more clear, concise, and compelling content. I could anticipate questions her readers would ask because I was asking them. I could pinpoint where more content was needed or less was required. I could help her write more honestly and vulnerably because I could identify what was coming across as cliché or superficial. 

As He has done through other projects throughout my career, Christ knew what I needed at such a time as this—not only in my career, but personally. I didn’t anticipate saying “yes” to this project let alone finish it with my outlook on life and career completely different. Whether we are looking for it or not, God is persistent about redeeming traumatic and painful life experiences.

This client and I developed a friendship over the course of the project. We both had our times of struggle—her about the writing process (which I could help her through), and me about career and confidence (which she could help me through). We are stronger and more audacious because God crossed our paths. 

Each project I’ve had in my writing career has taught me something. Sometimes it’s a little thing like once and for all learning the difference between affect and effect. Other times, its literally life changing—not because I sought it out, but because God provided the blessing of a challenge.  

Lord Byron says, “A drop of ink may make a million think.” As writers and editors, understanding and ministering to those millions starts with us becoming word actors by putting ourselves into the perspectives and heart conditions of the readers. We can draw from our life experiences to ensure we are providing solutions to their emotional and mental chaos. We are listeners, hearing the questions readers’ hearts are afraid to ask but desperate to know. We become guides, helping pave the way for writers to better communicate and for their readers to be more equipped and encouraged.

What are you learning through your work in progress?

Leilani Squires is a writer and editor who began working with authors, organizations, and entrepreneurs in 2002. She helps each client develop their message or story clearly, concisely, and compellingly. She has a bachelor’s degree in Professional Writing from Taylor University and a master’s degree in Communications from Regent University. Leilani speaks at writers conferences, universities, and is an adjunct professor.