by @WritesJody

It was too late to back out. Ticket sales were live. Why did I agree to this?

A few months ago, agreeing to speak at our women’s event seemed like this grand and brave idea from God, but now that it was three weeks away, it seemed like a disaster waiting to happen. The words weren’t coming. 

I sat at my laptop day after day, typing and deleting, trying to string together sentences that matter. Words that would inspire women to want a closer relationship with the Lord, but it was me who was feeling distant. Memories of God’s faithfulness had been slowly fading, my faith was wavering, and I hadn’t even noticed.

What wasn’t wavering was the event date. The minutes were ticking by while the words escaped me. After a day of mostly deleting, I sobbed. Not a soft, sweet cry. It was more of a loud wail, complete with nausea and lightheadedness. I felt so desperate. Trying to catch my breath and overwhelmed by the task before me, I sent out an SOS text to a few friends.

Within minutes I received confidence-inducing, lie-breaking, heartwarming texts, reminders of God’s calling, the enemy’s schemes and the fruit that awaits this gigantic act of obedience. But the text etched in my memory is the one that read, “I don’t want to scare you, but I’m at your front door.”

Sure enough. I opened my front door to find a friend standing before me with a milkshake in hand. Reese’s Peanut Butter Cup, to be exact. You know you’re in bad shape when a friend shows up at 10:00pm with a milkshake. A milkshake held by a person with skin on to remind me that my calling to write and speak was legit, that I’m not wasting my time. 

Do you feel like you’re wasting your time? When your word count doesn’t budge, or you receive another rejection letter, does God’s faithfulness seem like a distant memory? Sure, you see His faithfulness in other people’s lives through a book contract or a published article. Heck, even in a well-crafted Facebook post. But here you sit again, begging God for the right words.

When the words don’t make it to the end of our fingertips, frustration can cause us to forget God’s faithfulness. When we’re knee-deep fretting, memories of how God has shown up for us in the past fade. We have to choose to remember.

Remember the time at the coffee shop when you opened your laptop to write and realized you had more words that you thought. Remember the time when your beautifully crafted words moved people to tears or caused people to laugh. Remember the time the sentences you strung together created paragraphs that impacted the lives of others. 

Remembering the times of God’s faithfulness may not make showing up on the hard days any easier, but it will make showing up worthwhile. Influencing lives is a worthy investment. That’s why we keep coming back to the blank screen. Because He keeps showing up, we can keep showing up. 

Once again, God showed up for me. After a milkshake, a few more tears and large doses of encouragement, the words for the women’s event finally came. So did the women. Lives were changed, including mine.

Jody Allen is a newbie to the writing world. She recently completed the rough draft of her first book, a lifeline to help women navigate life when pornography wrecks their relationship. On the lighter side, she thinks most occasions call for a good rhyming poem. Jody serves on staff at her church as the Director of Women’s Ministry, where she tries her hand at speaking and finds friendship and fulfillment in leading women’s small groups.

Jody is grateful for the makers of peanut butter, dark chocolate and electric blankets. She lives in North Carolina with her teenage twin drivers and a mostly obedient black lab. You can connect with Jody at jodyallenwrites.com.